THE JERSEY COW
by Clayton Foran
One time my father bought two jersey cows from Will Sullivan. He lived down here where the Dutchman has that big farm in Red Bank. He was a big lumberman and had a lot of cattle. Anyway, Father bought two of them. In the spring the cows freshened and a few days after they crossed the river. I remember the water was a bit high at the time. We sent the dog to fetch the cattle at supper time and he brought them all home but one. He barked and barked but he couldn't get her to come. After a while we backtracked and found her down behind a blind brogan. She was busy eating this what you call switch grass or bogan grass. It must of been awful good grass for she had fed there all day. She had fed there until her sack (udder) got so big that her hind feet were off the ground. There the poor thing was with her hind feet in the air and her pawing at the ground with her front feet. She was in terrible distress. We had to come home and get two five gallon buckets to milk her down. The buckets wouldn't hold it all and we had to throw some of it in the bogan. On the way home the cow stopped in the middle of the river. She didn't seem to want to move out of there. We put the dog on her and she splashed ashore in no time.You know what? There were two great big trout hanging on to her teats. She had stopped in the middle of the river to feed those fish. They were lovely trout. A pound and a half a piece.

BEAR BARRELL
by Clayton Foran
Another time we were pestered by a bear and I didn't have no traps. What I did was .... I took a wooden puncheon (barrel) and drove long spikes into the open end. You put them in at an angle and when the hear pokes his bead in looking for some bait he can't get it back out again. the spikes catch him in the back of the Head,eh? I set this trap up back there in the woods and tied the barr ell to a big tree. In about a week I went back to check out my handiwork and by golly that barrel was gone. He broke the rope that had 'er tied to the tree. I hunted and hunted for the bear and the barrel all that fall. Every time I went hunting I kept an eye out for it but it was no use. It was gone. I was back in that same area the next spring cutting pulp and what come out of the woods but that old bear! The barrel was still on her head and trailing along behind her was two cubs with a little barrel a piece on their heads.

THE BEAR IN THE PARLOR
by Clayton Foran
One time we had a bear come in back home there. That afternoon Mother made sweet loaf. Her sweet loaf was awful good, eh? She always used lots of raisins.
Anyway, this bear smelled it and that night he came a calling. He come in through the window in the kitchen. He busted right through the glass and pieces flew all the way across the room. That was a big kitchen too. It must a been 12 x 14 or something like that. It just so happened that no one was sleeping on the couch there that night. Thank goodness for that or someone could a been killed. Everyone was asleep and nobody heard the glass break or the bear come in. After rooting around for a while in the kitchen the bear went into the parlor. I had a fiddle there, yak know, and he must a touched it with his paw or something and it made a noise. That was what Father must of heard. The rasping of the violin... My brother was out that evening and Father thought it might of been him but he wasn't sure. He sung out to me and said he was going downstairs to check things out. He made her down as far as the little landing where the stairway took a turn. He always kept his favorite rifle there on the wall. he wasn't long grabbing the gun, pumping a shell into the barrel and taking aim. And the bear must a heard him or sensed him or something because he turned and ..... Do you know what he did? Well, Sir, he swung around, grabbed that fiddle up off the floor and just as cute as you please he started playing "God Save the King." Then, while Father was standing at attention, he took off like a bat out of hell out another window.
Father come to me the next morning and told me I would have to get the bear. He was worried it would come back and tear the house to pieces and maybe kill all hands.
I got my biggest trap and took 'er back into the woods and set her. I went back the next morning and sure enough there was the bear in the trap! He was caught by the hind foot and was he ever mad!
He was roaring and growling and snapping those big teeth of his something terrible. He scared me so bad that me hair stood right up on its ends. It took the full length of my arm for me to reach me cap.
Then just as I was getting me self calmed down didn't another bear show up. I took off for the bushes!
The two bears sniffed and licked each other for a spell and they seemed to be discussing the situation over. After some grassing and hugging what did they do but one of them stepped on the spring and opened the trap!
Then in just a flash, the trap snapped shut and caught the two of them! You talk about a racket! Two mad bears in the one trap does not have a calming effect on your nerves. I watched them for awhile and then went in to tell Father. I told him, "I got two bears back there in the one trap." We took the horse and drag sled and struck 'er back into the woods. About half way back to the trap site Father asked, "Did you bring the skinning knives with you? 1 want to keep the hides."
1said, "No, 1didn't bring any knives with me but don't worry, we won't need any. "And why not?" he asked I told him the bears worked so hard to get free of the trap they pulled themselves right out of their skins. Sure enough, when we got to the trap there was nothing there but two empty bear skins.
We took those hides home and nailed them to the side of the barn.